Friday, January 13, 2006

The Gallbladder Did Not Occur To Me

After two days of clutching his side and cursing his condition, D. decided to consult a professional in hopes of tracing the origins of his mysterious pain. I wrote in this post about how D. and I put the scientific method through all sorts of rigorous trials to try to figure out the cause of his discomfort.

And since a pulled muscle typically doesn't present (see? I told y'all that I was ON TOP OF THINGS when it comes to medicine...well, actually I've just heard EK and Katy use that term when they talk about Medical Things) with sharp, stabbing pains, it seemed wise to let a more "qualified" person analyze the situation. Maybe even a "doctor."

As it turns out, David's gallbladder has gone into slacker mode and is only half as efficient as it should be. He had some tests done on Wednesday, and Thursday we found out that surgery will probably be his best option. I instantly named about 5 or 6 people we know who have had the surgery (when will you believe me? My mind is a STEEL TRAP filled with statistics, procedures, warning signs, and worst case scenarios). After doing a little bit of his own research, David realized that it's actually a pretty safe procedure that is also incredibly common.

But here is why I love my husband. The thought of someone slicing open his stomach, inserting a tube, slicing open his stomach in another place, inserting a light, and then using the tube to PULL OUT HIS GALLBLADDER doesn't bother him. Not the least little bit (keep in mind that this is the same person who watched my c-section as if it were the 1999 Egg Bowl. While I was in the recovery room, D. went all play-by-play on me, basically re-hashing how the doctors pulled out various innards and organs, laid them on a table, and then "they just shoved it all back in there!" Which did not inspire any confidence at all that I would ever be normal again).

No, what bothers him is the list of foods he'll no longer be able to eat.

The list goes something like this: no more cold foods, white flour, white sugar, acidic foods, fried foods, or caffeine.

D. looked at me after reading the list and said, "WHAT ELSE IS THERE?"

"Well," I replied, "there's grilled meat, whole wheat flour, Splenda, caffeine free diet Pepsi - there will be stuff that you can eat."

"Mmmmm...a cake made with WHOLE WHEAT FLOUR and SPLENDA - doesn't that sound DELICIOUS?"

When he had his initial doctor's appointment, the nurse asked him if he had been following a low-cholesterol diet.

"Not exactly," he replied.

When she tried to dig a little deeper about his eating habits, he finally confessed, "I like things like country fried steak and rice with a pan of homemade gravy."

But no more.

Until the surgery, it'll be broth and Jello for all! And after the surgery it will be foods that aren't cold, sugared, caffeinated, floured or fried.

With a pan of gravy on the side, of course.


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