Friday, October 27, 2006

Now Where's That Trusty Anvil?

I am quite certain that at some point in the next few hours my left eyeball is going to shoot out of my skull like a cannon and land on the coffee table. And while I'll probably think "EWWWW, that's pretty gross," I don't think I'll mind the relief, OH THE SWEET MERCIFUL RELIEF from the relentless sinus pressure. I've actually been watching television tonight with my left eye closed, and I've concluded that I'll more than likely be okay vision-wise when my eye does in fact separate from its socket.

Just in time for Halloween!

See? I CAN be festive!

The thing is that there's really no escaping the Blinding Sinus Pressure, because I get it honest. When I was growing up, Mama often used to tell me that she had "sinus," and I didn't really know what that meant other than "SHHHHH! QUIET! NO TALKING!" while Mama walked around the house with her thumb pressed over whichever side of her face was afflicted. However, since I'd never had a sinus infection of own, I just didn't get it.

But then my friend Daphne and I moved into a little mold trap called Hathorn Hall when we were in college, and our sinus cavities became filled with Every Known Bacteria, and we've both had chronic sinus problems ever since. We often like to compare notes on the severity of our symptoms, but ever since I had the sinus infection that went into my eyes and transformed said eyes into goopy red slits, I've considered myself the hands-down champion.

I am understandably proud.

Perhaps I should get a trophy.

So I'm going to continue taking my allergy medicine and stuffing my nose with various mentholated items. The good news is that I don't feel bad at all, so I can continue to vacuum my rugs until they're threadbare in anticipation of a prospective buyer showing up at our house.

And if my eyeball does in fact shoot out of my skull, I'll just clean that mess right up and get back to the vacuuming.

Because I am nothing if not practical.


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