Friday, April 21, 2006

Clearing The Air

I have long been fascinated by people who are cold all the time. You know who I'm talking about...usually it's women who constantly hold their warm coffee mug up against their faces, who grab the sides of the mug as if their continued existence depends on soaking every bit of heat away from the coffee itself and into their permanently chilled bodies. These women are often seen donning scarves indoors and visibly shivering in office buildings where more often than not the thermostat is being controlled by a computer somewhere in India.

For the record, I am not one of those women.

And if you’re wondering why I’m even thinking about all of this, I have a very simple answer: because, well, it's hot.

Now I know some of y'all enjoy balmy breezes and love to open your windows and let the fresh air pour into your homes. Some of y'all probably even enjoy sleeping outside, regardless of the fact there is no THERMOSTAT in the out of doors to enable you to CONTROL the TEMPERATURE. Some of you probably don't even run your air conditioners, and you should know right now that the thought of someone having access to an air conditioner and opting out of using it creates a swirling vortex of confusion in my brain. Why? Why would you do that? Why?

Keep in mind that we've had our air conditioner on since the first of March, and we will turn it off in November.


The fact of the matter is that I don’t like to be hot. I’m okay with it when I know to expect it, like if I’m chasing Alex outside in the middle of July or if I go walking at noon when it's 101 outside with 98% humidity. But I do not feel that it is God’s will for my life to ever, EVER be hot when I’m indoors. In fact, I do not feel that it is God’s will for my life to ever exist in an environment with a temperature above approximately 72 degrees, because He loves me and wants for me to be happy so that I can glorify Him. I can do no glorifying when the thermostat reads 73 or higher.

I feel that God understands that.

Eight or nine months ago David replaced our downstairs thermostat with one of those fancy digital thingamajigs that enables you to program the temperature of your home at all points in the day. He bought the silly gadget because he thought it would take the ambiguity out of our temperature interpretations (I read the old one by the top of the red line; he read it by the bottom; I imagine we were supposed to use the middle, but oh well). Anyway, it’s hard to argue temperature when you see “71” on an LCD screen.

The problem, however, is that we’ve never figured out how to work it. It has a mind of its own and decides that in the early mornings our house should be 75 degrees, then 73 degrees around noon, and then back up to 75 degrees around 3:00.

75 degrees at 3 o’clock in the afternoon?!?! INDOORS?!?! That is the craziest crazy talk of all the crazy talking I’ve ever heard.

It stresses me out because I feel that the very essence of comfort in my own home has been compromised, and as such I am waging war on the thermostat beast. My project for this weekend is to convince the stubborn thing that our house will be 70 degrees. Period. Unless I decide to override the system while I’m cleaning the house and take ‘er down to a comfy 68.

My friends Elise and Daphne are my total soul sisters on this issue. Elise keeps her thermostat on 68 in the summertime, and when I asked her one time how she afforded the summertime power bills with three boys constantly going in and out of the house, she said, “It's a matter of priorities. We may not have the fanciest cars or the fanciest house, but we’re always going to do two things in our home: 1) eat and 2) be cool.”

It almost brought tears to my eyes, so beautiful were those words, so close to my heart were her sentiments.

I WILL conquer the thermostat. I WILL find a way to create an uncompromsing level of air conditioned comfort in my house. And when I figure it out, y'all are welcome to visit and experience our comfortably cool indoor environment.

But if you're one of those women I mentioned at the beginning of this post, you might want to bring a sweater along for the ride.


Post a Comment

<< Home