Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Errand Boy

Because I'm a list-maker, I'm also a person who typically stays caught up on errands. I try to get to one or two places a day, and doing that over the course of a week means that I rarely find myself out of anything. I would go so far to say that I even ANTICIPATE being out of something like baby wash or shampoo or dishwasher detergent four or five days away from actual "outage," so we're usually pretty well-stocked with the daily necessities.

But this last month? Eh. Not so much.

So today I found myself with a mighty big to-do list - stuff that couldn't wait one more day. We enjoy having things like, you know, coffee filters and soap to make our life easier, and I also enjoy an up-to-date cosmetics supply so that I don't scare small children. Because wearing make-up is, for me, more of a public service than anything else.

With our list in hand, A. and I left the house this morning, and our first stop on the Tour of Errands was Family Christian. While I was picking out what I needed, A. was making a point to sort through every single Veggie Tales DVD in the history of all time ever, and he became SO consumed with his video sorting that he neglected to heed nature's call and as a result tee tee'd all over himself while standing on a small chair he had pulled over to the movie shelves.

I was prepared, however - I was armed with an extra pair of underwear and shorts - but A. had to change clothes in Family Christian's restroom. All I can say about that experience is that I do not feel that Jesus would be pleased with the cleanliness and / or orderliness of their women's facilities. Oh I can't even type about it anymore because, well, EWWWWWW.

Next stop: we went to Jason's Deli to meet my friend NK and her children for lunch. It was fairly uneventful unless you consider that A. tried to swat away anyone who even made eye contact with me and that you don't really get to talk to a grown-up much when there are two three year olds and a six month old at the table. What you DO get to do is FETCH lots of things - lids for drinks, straws, napkins, ice cream, muffins, dropped bottles, etc.

So I guess instead of saying that I met NK for lunch, I should actually say that we met to fetch some stuff. It's what all the cool mamas are doing these days.

And then, the mall.

Trips to the mall always make me feel like we're The Clampetts Come To Town, because A.'s reaction to escalators is similar in scope of emotion and duration of enthusiasm to Jethro in "The Beverly Hillbillies" when he first spies his brand new CE-ment pond. A. reacts normally as we go up the escalator, but as soon as he "disembarks," he starts to jump and then SCREAMS (I don't mean "says" - I mean "screams"), "HEY! EVERYBODY! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! ALL RIGHT! GOOD JOB!"

I guess I should be grateful that he doesn't say "WOO, DOGGIE! THEM THAR METAL STAIRS GOT A MOTOR IN 'EM, MOMMA!"

So when we got off of the escalator in front of Macy's (I had to go. free gift time at the Lancome counter. you understand.), A. started proclaiming his escalatory accomplishments (one good thing about having your own blog? you get to make up words like "escalatory") to everyone around us, and while they were very polite and they smiled and they nodded, I wanted to explain that I did not in fact hook the boy up to a Mountain Dew and coffee IV earlier in the day, and we have in fact ventured into public several - lo, many - times in his life.

I won't even go into the part where he climbed up shelves stocked with make-up while I was paying for my purchases and then fell and cut his knee and created an entirely different sort of scene.

So finally, Walmart.

And you're thinking, "A bookstore and a restaurant and a mall and a Walmart? All in the same day? WOMAN? ARE YOU INSANE?"

To which I answer: why yes! I am! Nice to meet you!

It really wasn't so bad, because at that point A. was so tired that he sort of lazily chewed on a donut and whined, but I was in their restrooms twice, and while they are much, much nicer than Family Christian's, someone really needs to get down at a three year old's eye-level and check out the toilets when they're cleaning. Because, well, EWWWWWW.

And just for the record? The temperature in the Walmart parking lot this afternoon? 492 degrees. An egg would have fried before it ever made contact with the pavement. And when it did make contact with the pavement, it would have exploded into a fiery mass of protein. With smoke.

But you know what? All in all? It was oddly fun. Really.

So what did you do today? :-)


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