Oh, You Silly, Silly Man

Tonight while D. and I were reading our Sunday School lesson, and by Sunday School lesson I really mean watching the last two TiVo'd epsiodes of The Bachelor:Paris, he asked me if girls really think that desperation will land them a man, that all manner of plotting and scheming will actually attract their soulmate and enable them to live happily ever after.

To which I replied, "Ummm...yeah!"

It is obvious that my husband has never lived in a sorority house. And for that we're actually all quite thankful. But he's clueless - CLUELESS, I say unto you - about the level of plotting and scheming a girl will go to in order to convince a man that she is his soulmate and he cannot live without her.

Part of the fun - at least when you're young - is the drama of it all. The chase. Once you get a few years past college, the chase isn't as big a deal...at that point it's sort of like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm running I'm running hey you caught me YAY the end and I do." But in college? OH, the drama was oftentimes the best part.

One of you who may or may not read this blog once went on a date that may or may not have been with someone from what may or may not have been a Large Religious Organization on campus that may or may not have been BSU.

The time leading up to the date was filled with Much Planning. What to wear, how to fix the hair, what the second date would be like for there was sure to be one, what it would be like when he went home to meet the parents - I'm telling you, the boy was on the fast track to the altar and he had no idea.

But, you see, things did not go as planned. If it had been part of The Bachelor, there would have been promos for weeks telling all of America to tune in for the most dramatic. Bachelor. moment. EVER.

Because as I'm sure my sweet, level-headed, even-keeled, Proverbs 31 friend remembers, when she found out that BSU boy was interested in someone else, she SLAMMED THE DOOR, KICKED IT, FLUNG HERSELF TO THE GROUND and started to sob. No, sob is too weak a verb. She started to WAIL.

And we were all, "What the..." and she was all, "I just thought he really liked me," and we were all, "Ummm...missy, you've had ONE DATE," and she was all, "Yes, but I thought he was God's will for my life! I decided that he was God's will for my life!"

Please don't misunderstand. There were lots of guys who would have loved to be The One for my sweet friend. She's exactly the "type," for lack of a better stereotypical word, that many guys hope to marry. But for her, it was just the pressure of the whole thing - she was ready to meet That Guy, date That Guy, and marry That Guy. She was ready to check "Soul Mate" off of the list and get on to the next thing so that the pressure would be gone. I think a lot of girls felt that kind of pressure.

My point is this. Girls are conditioned from an early age to be on the lookout for The One. How do you know he's The One? Is he The One? Oh, I think he's The One. If he's not The One, I don't know what I'll do. I'm just ready to find The One and settle down. And then, in the tradition of The Bachelor: Oh, BACK OFF, Sistah - he's not The One for you, he's The One for me. And then, the saddest: I thought he was The One, but I was wrong.

I think the root of all the drama is that so many women look to someone else to validate who they are. Guys tend to let their jobs do this...but many - not all, but many - women look to men. So I wonder if these "desperate" girls who disturbed D. so much are really wanting Cute Doctor Bachelor Guy - or if they just want someone, anyone to deem them worthy of being wanted. Does that make sense?

If we're going to condition girls / women / whathaveyou to always be on the lookout for the handsome prince, to think that their lives won't be complete until they find him, then people like My Husband Who Has Obviously Been In A Cave need not be surprised when girls pull out all the stops to win the prince's heart.

And then fling themselves to the floor when he's not so interested.