Friday, May 19, 2006

Greetings From CrazyLand! Wish You Were Here!

A couple of weeks ago, when Alex and I were riding down the road, he said, "Hey Mama?" in the absolute sweetest inquisitive tone you can imagine.

I answered, "Yes, precious darlin' angel boy?" [okay, slight exaggeration. But I was feeling much love in that moment.]

And my child - the one for whom I have provided gentle, loving care, the one for whom I have suffered all manner of insufferable diapers, the one for whom I have sacrificed every single shred of my pride - replied with, "Are you CRAZY, Mama?"

At the time I giggled a little and said, "No, buddy - Mama's not crazy." And then he giggled along with me and oh if we weren't the McGigglesons in my car, yukking it up as we made our way down the road.

Oh, silly Alex. Asking Mama if she was crazy? Witty, clever child.

But I've thought about that exchange several times over the last couple of days, and I've decided that the toddler, he was on to something.

Because here's the thing.


I can't even begin to tell you what the last three or four days have been like. But the word that comes to mind is the one that I've already overused abundantly in this post, so I won't say "the 'c' word" again.

Most of the time I do a decent job of managing my commitments. I'm involved in more activities than I talk about here, mainly because some of the stuff I do requires a certain degree of confidentiality.

You know, the spy stuff.

But aside from dismantling smart bombs, perfecting my faux accents, and mastering the art of ka-RAH-tay ("Friends," anyone?), I think I went a bit overboard with my shed-ule this past week. In fact, I know I did.

Last week when I was doing my Bible study homework, there was a question that said, "Are you trying to do so much that you're failing to do some of it well?" I immediately answered, "yes," listed the stuff that I needed to back away from for awhile, and actually got pretty proactive about making some changes.

Here. I have proof.

1) I decided not to do VBS at church this year. I initially volunteered to help so that Alex could go to the activities that they plan for the teachers' kids who are ages 1-4, because, well, the child adores an activity (I don't know where he gets it). But you know, he and I can do plenty of fun things at home the week of VBS, maybe even go see a relative or two, and there's absolutely no law that says I MUST PARTICIPATE. So no VBS.

2) I found a person to take over this cookie ministry thing I do at our church (you join the church, you get homemade cookies delivered to your front door). Getting people to bake cookies wasn't the problem, but getting the deliveries done was becoming a problem. You can imagine the joy that comes from dragging your three year old to all parts of Birmingham as you try to make 11 cookie deliveries on a Monday afternoon. So, yay, me. I've handed off the cookies.

But here's what this week has made me realize. Those two things that I was so proud of giving up? Not even a DROP IN THE BUCKET.

I'm not one of those people who has a hard time saying "no" - quite the contrary - but I am one of those people who likes to "do." The problem is, over the last few months, the "doing" feels like it's taking over. And I need, oh-so-desperately, to just "be" for awhile. Allow me to use "quotes" one more "time" in this "paragraph."

This weekend has the potential for lo, even more craziness. Alex has a friend's birthday party (we're SO not going), I have a college graduation party for a girl I used to teach, I have a house that needs my attention, I'm on standby waiting for a shipment for some of this stuff I do that I don't talk about (no biggie - just a large cache of confiscated missile parts), I have a special service to attend Sunday afternoon, and I would like to, at some point, sleep.

So here's my plan. I'll get my LBY post up sometime tonight or tomorrow morning. And then I'm going to take a couple of days off from blogging. It's not that I don't love it - have mercy, sometimes I think I enjoy writing about my life as much as I enjoy living it (which is, you know, a problem) - but I've just got to make some time to wind down, lest this whirling dervish get caught in the middle of an irreversible tizzy.

And I'm sure I'll dream up even more astoundingly average content over the weekend, which should give all of you something to feel ambivalent about while I'm gone.


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