Wednesday, August 30, 2006

What (Not) To Wear

So this whole 80's fashion comeback has had me in a bit of a dither, because in addition to the fact the the clothes were (and are!) ugly, I now have to re-think what I like to call my "mama uniform" - what I wear when I'm out running errands, when I take A. to birthday parties, when I want to convey the message that "I may be a mama, but I'M STILL SASSY!"

The sad part is that when I'm not intentional about being Sassy Mama, I tend to convey the message that "i am a mama, and i have given up completely." There's not much of a happy medium with me.

When I'm Sassy Mama, I have streaky highlights in my hair - with maybe a little red thrown in on top of the blonde. I have a fun haircut with what I like to call "lots of piece-y thingies." I (try to) coordinate my clothes so that I look a little funky - yet modest and age appropriate - and I put on make-up before I leave the house. MASCARA, even.

I know!

But when I'm i've-given-up mama, I have roots that are two inches long. I begin to use my sunglasses like a headband (on a good day - mostly I just surrender to the clippy). I throw on one of David's long sleeve shirts over a pair of stretchy capri pants, and nary a trace of make-up touches my face.

SO not sassy. But SO much easier.

And therein lies my dilemma.

Sassy Mama can usually put on a pair of boot cut pants, some fun shoes, a white t-shirt and a denim jacket and look presentable. My other favorite option is a knee-length skirt and some form of cotton shirt (don't all mamas have about 15 cotton shirts? isn't that some sort of requirement for motherhood? don't they, like, take your babies away if you can't produce evidence of your cotton shirt collection?) with some fun, chunky sandals. As I told Big Mama earlier this week, flats will never, ever do. I NEED a chunky sandal to balance out my calves.

(Why, you might ask? Well, I'll tell you: because my calves are enormous. I can do four calf extensions and my calf muscles will practically ricochet out of the back of my legs. It's so bad that I can't wear boots unless there's stretchy fabric involved, and even then the boots are so tight around my calves that I lose a great deal of the circulation in my feet. Which is a problem when, you know, walking. And please understand that the substantial calf muscles have absolutely nothing to do with actual physical effort and everything to do with genetics. My daddy is 74, and his calves are RIPPED. And now this sidenote has taken on a slightly disturbing tone and I will cease with the talk of the calves.)

So anyhoo.

I was talking about what, exactly?

Oh yes. Clothes. And my dilemma.

Now that the 80's stuff is in style again, what in the world will Sassy Mama wear?

Because I can guarantee you that it won't be skinny jeans. No ma'am.

LEGGINGS? I don't think so. I mean, if I'm going to have to wear leggings and flats again, I'd just as soon resign myself to i've-given-up mode and call it a fashion-challenged day.

I guess I could start working out so that I can run around in my workout clothes and do the whole Busy-Mama-Who-Just-Left-The-Gym look.

Or! Maybe I should just BUY the workout clothes and PRETEND I've just left the gym so that I don't have to deal with putting together an 80's ensemble (or, you know, actually exercising).

Which brings me to my question (and praise the Lord for that, you're thinking): what do you wear when you're running your errands? Do you sass it up? Or do you dress it down? Or do you have the whole Busy-Mama-Who-Just-Left-The-Gym thing down pat?

And if you tell me that you're running around town in a pair of skinny jeans, my calves and I are going to be very distressed indeed.


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