It Makes Me Wanna Wag My Tail

Before I begin, I feel somewhat obligated to tell you that I just took a bite of a Hershey's nugget, and my immediate reaction was, "Hey. This tastes like Cheetos." But instead of spitting it out, I let it settle into my "palate" a bit, and you know, chocolate with a hint of cheesiness is actually pretty good.

But it may not be a great idea to keep chocolate so close to industrial-sized bags of Cheetos in the pantry. I'm just sayin'.

Anyhoo. I've gotten a few giggles from my inbox lately, and I thought I'd share.

A couple of nights ago I was, as my mama says, "checking the email" one last time before bed, and I had a note from my dear friend Merritt Leigh that read as follows:

"You seem a little foggy lately...sort of out of sorts...how do I describe it? Anyway, may I be the first to predict: you're pregnant. You know your mind goes to pot as soon as you conceive the second child. Let me know when/if tests confirm this fact."

As soon as I read the email, I picked up the phone and called her.

When Merritt answered, she didn't even say "hello?" Instead, she said, in very hushed, muffled tones that are usually reserved for people who do All The Spying, "Youare?"

"WHAT?" I replied.

"Youare?"

"What am I?"

"You're pregnant?"

"NO. I'm NOT pregnant. I'm just crazy. And tired."

"Okay. Okay. But are you sure?" [PLEASE NOTICE THAT MY FRIEND OF OVER TWENTY YEARS WAS NOT IN THE LEAST BIT CONCERNED THAT I CONFESSED TO THE CRAZINESS.]

"YES, I'm sure."

Because here's the thing: I'm fairly confident that if I were pregnant, I would in fact be the first to know.

Well, the first besides God.

And I wish I had some sort of hormonal explanation / justification for my recent bout with adult-onset ADD (totally just made up that condition. thank you). All I can figure is that I'm losing cognitive ability in direct proportion to the rate that the toddler is acquiring it.

Lea Margaret also emailed me about "the big news" - and I got a little tickled that my friends now think that if I were pregnant, I would immediately announce it to the whole wide world interweb before I told them. I mean, I do still know how to use the phone, in addition to the email, and if there's ever cause to deliver Exciting Pregnancy News, I'll utilize those means of communication before I broadcast the status of my reproductive life to the internet. Promise.

So then I saw an email from Folgers, and I couldn't imagine why in the world they'd care about the non-baby, but as it turned out they just wanted to send me some samples of some new gourmet coffee product, to which I replied, "SURE! BRING ON THE FREE STUFF!"

Because really, there's nothing that my empty womb and I enjoy more than a hot mocha beverage.