My Eyes! My Eyes!

The mamas at Alex's Mother's Day Out are an intimidatingly (is that a word? it is now, I guess) fashionable bunch. Even their workout clothes are cute, because apparently there are entire workout ensembles that one can purchase and lo, even wear when exercising. It probably goes without saying that said ensembles are a smidge more sophisticated than the t-shirts and shorts you'll find in my closet.

It's always fun for me to check out what they're wearing - because while I like to be a little sassy and all, most of the other mamas are Sassy, and some are even SASSY, and a few are downright SASSY! because, I mean, they WORK IT OUT.

Which is why the news that I have to share with you is so disturbing.

Because I may or may not have seen one of the SASSY! mamas wearing the following:

Oh I'm not kidding.

If you were able to zoom in very closely on that label, you would see that it says two words that haunt us all, two words we never, ever thought we'd have to see on our clothes again (unless we found ourselves trapped inside a Merry-Go-Round museum):

MEMBERS ONLY.

Oh yes, interpeeps.

MEMBERS ONLY.

I know I mentioned here that the 80's fashion comeback scares me, and several of you mentioned Members Only jackets in the comments. I really couldn't fathom, though, that anyone would want to wear one of those again, what with all the unnecessary straps and snaps and the wide elasticized waistband and so on.

But apparently, at least according to one particular SASSY! mama, a Members Only jacket with LEGGINGS and some FLATS is a good look for fall.

I just didn't think it would come to this, people. But since it has, I hereby abandon all hopes for Fall '06 sassiness. The skinny jeans were bad enough. But the Members Only jackets have pushed me right over the edge.

So I beg you: please don't cave! Don't start looking at that parachute-esque fabric and thinking about how practical it would be, how you could just wipe the spit up or ketchup right off of it and be none the worse for the wear. Because that's how the devil works, I'm telling you. That's how he works!

You'll start with the Members Only jacket because it's "utilitarian," and the next thing you know you'll be tying a scarf around your head in a big bow, cutting the necklines out of your sweatshirts, and wearing lace leggings underneath your miniskirts.

And the designer evildoers will cackle with glee.

BE STRONG, INTERNETS!

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, BE STRONG!